Dear Republican Party,
Many of you are very busy these days explaining to the American people just which of them get to be called "real Americans." And who doesn't.
Your vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin has been on an ongoing crusade lately to make sure that people who live in some areas of the U.S.A., or in certain population densities, know that they are NOT real Americans, according to the Republican party.
Rep. Michelle Bachman of my state, Minnesota, is hellbent on letting many of us know that we're not real Americans, either. And Rep. Robin Hayes of North Carolina just echoed this same idea today.
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This follows many statements made in many years past by the luminaries of your party, trying to explain to many Americans that they are not real Americans if they live in a certain part of the country, or in a certain kind of town with a certain population density, and / or if they currently have political views that are not exactly in line with the Republican party.
So it would only follow that you are not looking for the votes of people who are not real Americans --especially if you actually think these people are actually anti- American. Why would you want their votes? Of course you wouldn't. Your core principles demand that you reject the votes of the voters you reject. You must tell these voters they are not welcome, in no uncertain terms, and not look back.
But don't worry... We'll take them off your hands. We in the Democratic party will rid you of all these people you despise.
In the meantime, I encourage you to keep it up. You just keep doing what you're doing, letting huge areas of the country -- and huge groups of people --know that they are NOT real Americans. You just keep telling whole, thousand-miles square areas of the U.S. that they are, in fact, un-American to the core, as you truly believe. Keep that up, because obviously it is very important for people to know that you don't welcome their vote in the Republican party. What could be more important, given your strong views?
You must stick to your core beliefs, after all. And if you truly believe that there are hundreds of millions of people who are not real Americans, you must tell them so in no uncertain terms. And bravo to you for speaking your mind. Get rid of the un-Americans! Those hundreds of millions of un-Americans who have no place in your party.
They will find a home with us. Not that you should care, since -- well, why would you care what happens to people who aren't real Americans?
Remember all those un-American people (according to the Republican party, since they lived and worked in New York city) who died in the terrorist attacks of 9-11? Their families and friends still mourn them. BUT you just tell them they're not real Americans, and that they must vote Democratic from now on. We will welcome them, and in the names of their lost loved ones we will reach out to everyone, anyone, in any part of this great nation who will listen.
We will welcome the families and friends of those who serve in our military from EVERY state, every city, and every small town in the U.S.A. Bar none.
You see, we feel that every American citizen -- in ALL fifty states -- is a real American. On the farms, in the cities, in the suburbs, North, South, East, West, Democrat, Republican, or independent.... we are all real Americans. That's what's we believe, and it's obviously very different than what you believe.
And just as you must act on your beliefs, we'll act on ours. Tirelessly.
So we'll keep reaching out in all fifty states, in every area of every state -- small town, farm, suburb, exurb, or city -- because we believe we can work together to make the American dream more available to everyone, and the promise of this great country more of a reality every day. We think that together can build a more perfect Union, and be a shining example of freedom and democracy for the world. That's OUR long-term work. We won't give up, and we won't write off a single U.S. citizen, we won't stop reaching out to our fellow Americans in any state trying to make life better for our children.
In the meantime, you keep doing what you're doing. You're good at it, after all. You keep telling the people of this country who is and is not a real American, according to the Republican party. And make it clear that you don't welcome their votes -- because anything else would be completely hypocritical, wouldn't it?
Besides, we WILL make it clear that you don't welcome their votes. And that we do.
So keep the Republican loyalty tests coming. Keep lashing out, and telling hundreds of millions of U.S. voters that you think they're un-American. Then maybe, eventually, you can retreat into the areas you think ARE actually American.
Only one problem: we'll be there too, working harder than ever. Working harder than you. Sorry, I didn't say we'd concede those areas to you, did I? Oh no no no. Far from it. We think all areas of the country are American, after all. We will travel anywhere and talk to anyone, even if they don't agree with us at first. Even -- and maybe especially -- if they live in areas that have traditionally voted for your party. Well work even harder to reach out to our fellow citizens, our fellow Americans, in those parts of the country. (Yes, that certainly includes the Deep South, sorry. Even if it will be a long haul, and hard work, we trust that our message will win the day.)
We don't see the same demons in our fellow citizens that you do. We want everyone's vote, and we'll ask them for it. Very nicely, very calmly. And when they see how much better they and this country are when they vote for us, then they'll start working with us, and talking to their neighbors. That's how democracy works. (Remember democracy?)
But.... keep doing what you're doing. Keep saying what you're saying. We encourage you to speak your mind, and show who you really are. It's very important to the future of this country. Let everyone know who's really American, and not. Don't be shy. Get in front of the cameras and keep it up. Your core beliefs demand nothing less.
Thanks.
Sincerely yours,
Chumley
(taking the great liberty of speaking for Democrats and progressives everywhere)